Can't Sleep

It's 3:40 in the morning and I cannot fall asleep. It's nice and quiet, and the trailer is actually cool for once, but no sleep comes. So here I am.

Tonight I had a girl's night in, and had a bunch of sisters from the congregation and RBC come over. I was super excited because I was going to make some Indian desserts that I have not had in forever. Unfortunately, there's a reason I don't cook in the trailer, and I was reminded of it today when nothing I made turned out even slightly edible. Anyway... It was really nice to spend time with everyone, I don't know if I will see them again. That's a sad thought, we may never see these friends again. I honestly don't know if we will ever come back here. I assume we will at some point, but right now it's not in the plans. What makes this harder is, genius that I am, I didn't actually take any pictures of anybody tonight. Grabbed out two cameras, but didn't use either of them....

Another thought I'm having trouble with, is knowing that I won't see my cat again after we leave. She's old, and she's been getting sick a lot lately. I don't want to put her through the stress of traveling with us, even if it were easy to get her through customs. She's going to live with my parents in Colorado, but there's a very good chance she will die before we settle down and can have her come stay with us. I know it's just a pet, but I am rather attached to the fuzzball. The things we sacrifice for Jehovah, I guess. This is actually the only thing I feel like I am sacrificing by leaving.

Every one was asking tonight, "Have you started packing?" The answer is no. I really, really want to. After all, we only have 15 days until we leave. But we intend to pack super light this time, and I'm afraid if I start packing now, I will begin to justify bringing things we don't really need and we will end up with a bunch of suitcases. I know that is impossible since we only have three suitcases in our possession, but I'm still afraid it will happen. I figure if I wait until the last minute, I can throw stuff in, throw everything else away and run out the door to the airport without getting too bogged down.

There are 5 more days at the RBC, and 5 more meetings to go to. Saturday we are pouring concrete in the backyard and Zach's aunt is going to be visiting us from Venezuela. There's a million things to do before we go, and a million more I want to do. The last burger at In-N-Out. The last long car ride with the windows down and the music up. All simple things, but still things we won't be doing again for a really long time. And it just occurred to me I may not see snow or experience cold weather for a while either. Now I'm really bummed out.

I don't mean to sound depressed/ing about all this. I'm really not. I am looking forward to getting back out into the field and traveling and seeing the friends again. It's just... some of the realities of wanting to stay gone forever are hitting me. I'm sure once we get to the airport, it will all fade away.

Well, on that cheery note, I'm going to try to go back to bed. We'll see what happens.